


Cold War Kids

by entrenched



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: (not beta read), (the gang is literally all here), Byleth's here briefly but in passing, Caspar is king, Gen, Slice of Life, Snowball Fight, Team Dynamics, There will by snow angels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21874507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/entrenched/pseuds/entrenched
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, there is such a thing as a bloodless war.(Or there is a snowball fight, because why the hell not?)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	1. Cabin Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which boredom is actually a viable way to die.

As the year approached its inevitable close, a soft chill crept its way toward Garreg Mach. Although it was easy to ignore at first, it soon became impossible for anyone to step foot outside the monastery without being greeted with a cold slap in the face. Before long, the winter wind soon evolved into a thick sheet of 

“Snow! It’s _everywhere_!”

“Shhh!"

“Sorry…”

Claude dropped back into his seat beside Dimitri with a loud thud. The force of the fall rocked the two house leaders against their reasonably annoyed third.

“Can you _please_ focus?” Edelgard huffed loudly as she nudged Dimitri’s forearm off hers. While the three had spent enough time with each other to become reasonably close, with a sizable population of the Officers Academy taking refuge from the frigid cold in the library, even the most affectionate of students would agree that they were sitting too closely for comfort. 

“Right, where were we?” Claude asked with a sheepish smile at his fellow leaders. 

“We are supposed to be–” 

“We’re what?” Dimitri interrupted as he cupped a hand to his ear. 

“I give up!” Edelgard rubbed her brow in agony. 

“Don’t you think it’s a bit too loud in here?” Dimitri practically yelled to the five-centimeters-away Claude in a rare plea for backup. Certainly he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t hear over the collective murmur of the library.

“I think that’s an understatement.” Claude nodded.

“It’s a what now?!”

“Exactly!” Edelgard rose from her seat at the table, knocking her chair against the unfortunate knees of a student walking behind her. With a quick yet reasonably sincere apology, she made her exit. 

Claude and Dimitri turned to each other and nodded in agreement that it was only right to follow suit. The two caught up to Edelgard easily as she made her way down the stairs and out toward their house classrooms. Although the journey back was relatively short, something about the heat radiating from Edelgard made the walk feel unusually long. 

“Well, that was bit chaotic,” Dimitri said casually, in hopes of easing the tension. “We were all crammed in there, but I could barely hear myself think.” 

“Yeah, I was practically sitting on you! … Not that I don’t like you, Your Highness.” Claude added.

While the conversation managed to draw an expertly disguised laugh from Edelgard, she released a long sigh shortly after. She should have realized that it was indeed going to be fruitless to get any legitimate work done that day. “I’ll admit, perhaps we made an error in working in the library. Nobody is all that eager to spend time outside just to freeze.”

“It’s not all _that_ bad.” 

“Well, we all aren’t built like you, Dimitri,” Claude groaned as he rubbed his hands for warmth. 

“We can reconvene tomorrow, both internal _and_ external climate depending,” Edelgard reasoned as the trio of leaders arrived at the house classrooms. Outside the Black Eagle room, Caspar seemed to be testing the elements – and winning – in his casual attire as he chatted excitedly to Petra, who was bundled in a soft shawl.

“We should do something together!” Caspar’s eyes shined in excitement as he spoke to her. “Something fun, you know?”

“What are you thinking is sounding fun?”

“I don’t know… Like a snowball fight?”

“Hey, that does sound fun,” Claude piped in with a casual wave to the Eagles.

“I thought you hated the cold,” Dimitri raised an eyebrow in annoyance. 

“Yeah, I do,” Claude nodded and turned to Caspar with a grin and a thumbs-up. “But I hate being this bored even more than that. Count the Deer in.”

Claude shuffled over to the Golden Deer classroom and peeked his head inside. “Suit up team! We’re gonna have a snowball fight!” Hilda turned her head from her conversation with Lysithea and Marianne with a pout. “Excuse me, we’re having a what now?!"

A wink and the door closing was the only response she got.

“Alright!” Caspar threw the Eagle's classroom doors open, blowing a stifling gust of wind into the room. Stacks of paper on the front desk floated into the air. “Hear that guys?!” 

“No.” Hubert muttered as a he peeled a stray assignment from the crown of his head.

“High noon, tomorrow.” Caspar announced to Claude and Dimitri. While they were not quite sure when Caspar became the Black Eagles’ spokesperson, the two had to admire his burning enthusiasm for something so simple. “You’re all invited to the field to meet your snowy doom by yours truly.”

“While combat without purpose is the last thing I’d like to support, I agree it sounds like a good change of pace,” Dimitri said with a pensive grin, unsung confirmation of his participation in the upcoming war. He walked over to the Blue Lion classroom to deliver the – depending on who you were – good or bad news.

Back at the Eagles’ base, Edelgard stood with arms crossed. “I do not feel…” 

“P l e a s e!” Caspar enunciated as he gathered the rest of the Eagles beside him. Petra, ever the good soul, stood with starry-eyed amusement at whatever a snowball fight entailed. “C’mon, let’s do it, Lin!” Caspar shook a mass of clothes lumped and groaning beside him.

“It could be fun, El.” Dorothea said as she threw an arm around Edelgard’s neck. “We _never_ get to do anything together anymore.” For good measure, the songstress ended with the smallest pout and a side wink to Caspar. It was not often that Edelgard found herself backed into a corner, and when she was, she was backed by the very allies now against her. After a long moment of silent contemplation paired with doe-eyed stares burning holes into her soul, Edelgard tilted her head into the crook of Dorothea’s neck.

“Fine.” 


	2. Burning the Midnight Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is no “I” in Team.

“Can someone remind me why are we having this ridiculous meeting in my room? Take this farce to the Boar’s room.” 

Felix groaned as he watched the rest of the Lions made themselves comfortable. Annette and Mercedes huddled together at the foot of his bed, Ingrid sitting cross-legged on the bed beside them. Dimitri was ushered nervously into Felix’s desk chair, which Sylvain pulled toward the rest of the group.

“We’ve got a great advantage!” Sylvain proclaimed as he returned Felix’s scowling with his signature playboy smile. “We are kings of the north!” 

“And queens,” Annette called from the floor.

“That too!” 

“If we’re going to do this, can we at least keep it down?” Felix groaned as he felt his temper both rise and fall at the same time. “In case you have forgotten whose room is next door.”

“In fact, I _haven't_. I saw Claude leaving a while back.” Sylvain said proudly. “I thought this stuff through, you know.” 

“Sorry, sorry. Maybe I’m just not used to seeing you think or act _capable_ …” 

“ _Anyway_ ,” Dimitri coughed before the night ended with Sylvain and Felix in their typical dance. “We may be the, what did you call us?”

“Kings of the North!” Ashe cried from beside Dedue, who remained standing with arms folded.

“Sure, that.” Dimitri continued, “Admittedly, the Kingdom certainly primed us for these temperatures, but the other houses also have some crafty guys that may make up for our more obvious advantage.” 

“Getting around Hubert’s tactics may be difficult,” Ingrid said as she rubbed her chin. “He’s certainly the hardest to read, and that works well to their house’s advantage.”

“Knowing Edelgard, it is unlikely she will strike first,” Dedue added solemnly. 

“I’m not sure how this fight will go, but I recommend we concentrate on a single victory before moving to the next house. If Edelgard falls back, I say we focus on the Golden Deer first. It’s true that Claude can be an open book, but he’s also a bit hard to understand,” Dimitri groaned. “I certainly won’t underestimate him, even against Edelgard and Hubert.” 

“I’m just afraid Claude will freeze to death before we even get going,” Mercedes added with a frown. “I feel a bit bad for him. He was walking around the Academy all day in layers and layers of clothing.”

“What are you talking about? That’s even _better_!” Sylvain cried at Mercedes. “If we’re talking crafty guys, he’s the one we need to take out first! Let the elements take him!” 

“If Claude really isn’t as good in the cold as he says, he’s likely to put his defenses up anyway.” Ashe mused.

“What defenses?” Felix scoffed. “I say we ally with that guy Lorenz. He’ll turn on Claude, no problem. Hilda too. That girl will sell Claude’s soul for less than a broken axe.” 

“I say once we get in a good advantage, we divide and conquer,” Dimitri said with a small smile. As the Lions slowly nodded their heads in agreement, a part of him wondered when it was the entire house sat down to plot something so… was it fun? Perhaps, as Caspar said, it was. It was fun. 

“Sounds like a plan.”

—

A stark change from earlier in the day, the library was devoid of life except the band of Deer spread across the center tables. “Look, I’m just saying I don’t see why you’re putting me on the front lines,” Hilda said beside Claude as she braided a side lock of Lysithea’s hair. The youngest Deer sat in front of Hilda and patted her slightly lopsided braid crown carefully. “There! Now, you and Marianne match… sort of. I’m not super good at it yet.” 

“I don’t see why you bother with the delicate flower act anymore,” Claude raised an eyebrow. “You’ve knocked enough heads this year that I’m surprised anyone believes it anymore.” 

“There’s still Sylvain,” Leonie muttered from the side with a narrow gaze.

“That there is,” Hilda agreed. “But I think that’s standard fare for him. Come to think of it, maybe I can ask him to–” 

“We’re supposed to be strategizing here!” 

“I know that! I’m letting you know your strategy sucks,” Hilda pouted as she turned to Marianne for support. 

“I must concur,” Lorenz said from the neighboring desk.

“Of _course_ you do.” 

“You cannot send a maiden into the throes of battle so easily,” Lorenz continued poetically. “Why are we doing this anyway? Something so boorish shouldn’t even be–” 

“Oh, don’t be a killjoy,” Leonie interrupted. 

“The kids in my village had a ton of snowball fights when I was younger and they were pretty fun.” Raphael offered kindly.

“Ha, so there! No more complaining!” 

“Anyway, don’t you want to defend your family name or whatever?” Claude said with a laugh and a cheshire smile. “We’ve been challenged. A nobleman cannot run from a challenge and expect to return to his home with hono–” 

“Now I know you’re mocking me,” Lorenz turned his attention back to the book before him, one which he was most likely not reading to begin with.

“I actually think it’s nice that we’re spending some time outside,” Ignatz said with a soft smile. As unbearably cold the wind got during the worst parts of the day, there was something absolutely radiant about the way the sunlight caught the little crystals of ice floating in the winter air. It was only right for the artist to be enamored by them. “Let’s have fun, right, Marianne?”

Marianne did not express her pleasure too often – there was just so little of it to go around, even less so when dragged into things involving gaggles of people. However, something about the absolute chaos the simple snow tossed the houses into was strangely… comforting. With a quiet nod and something Hilda would have sworn was a smile, she gave her look of approval of whatever crazy scheme Claude was ready to pull together, a gesture worth her weight in gold.

“Y’know what, forget the strategy,” Claude didn’t mind shouting in the empty library, his voice gathering at the curves of the wall. “Just listen for a minute: we’re often underestimated, but if we band together, we will win!”

“Hey leader, what is this dumb speech for? This is just something Caspar started yelling about ever since the first snow.”

“I’ll have you know that it’s not dumb, it’s motivating!” Claude corrected as he poked at Hilda’s pigtail. “Anyway, I actually don’t care what you guys do out there. Do what you like. It’s been kind of crazy around here, so just have some fun.” 

—

“At last, it is my time to shine!” 

“While that is the kind of enthusiasm I’d like to see from _all_ of you on a regular basis,” Edelgard said into her tea. “If we are to go against the houses properly, I believe it would be _our_ time to shine.” 

Edelgard found herself disappointed that she had not simply offered the house leaders to plan their group activities in a designated classroom. The Black Eagles very easily assembled together after Caspar’s declaration of war and their strategy meeting had gone off relatively well. Hubert stood beside her as he naturally did, still in mild surprise that they were even moving forward with the entire affair.

“This isn’t really something I’m good at,” Bernadetta muttered as she shuffled her feet nervously. Several moons have passed and it would be a lie to say Bernadetta, with some friendly hands to hold, had not vastly improved. However, the idea of standing in a snowy field with the singular aim of combat still managed to strike a chord of fear. “Are you sure you still want me to join?”

“Same, you sure you want me doing this? This sounds dumb,” Linhardt yawned from beside her.

“C’mon Lin, it’ll be fun!” Caspar assured him with a gentle nudge. 

“Ugh, fine.” 

“Bernadetta, let us do our best to be enjoying ourselves,” Petra soothed, mildly embarrassed she was getting so excited for something she did not quite understand. 

“We can build a little fort or something, if that will make you feel any comfortable, Bernie,” Dorothea smiled. “It won’t be much fun without all of us.” 

Ferdinand wheeled from his seat to the front of the room beside Edelgard. “Tomorrow, we shall forge our legend!” He turned his attention to the Eagle leader with a gaze mixed with seriousness and glee. “While I consistently find myself looking to best you, Edelgard, our combined strength will lead to certain victory.” 

“I’ll repeat that I honestly believe this is not a productive use of anyone’s time,” Edelgard began, prompting a little pout from Dorothea. “However, we do not run from the premise of victory.” There was certainly something in the air… or the water… or _something_. Whatever it was, the silliness of the entire affair was contagious. 

Why did everyone care so much about something so simple?

“Come together, everyone. We have planning to do.” 


	3. To War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which, to nobody’s surprise, nothing goes as planned.

“Hey Teach, last chance to join us out there!” Claude called toward the campus outer wall as he led the Golden Deer into the field. The glass panel of the office above popped open with Byleth’s head peeking through, long hair flowing messily out the window and across her face. 

“Nice try,” Edelgard said from behind him. “Even if she did join this farce, she would surely join _us_.” 

“I told each of you I’m not joining any of your teams,” Byleth sighed into the winter morning. “I can, however, watch from right up here.” 

“Then we’ll put on a good show for you,” Dimitri assured her with a smile and a wave. 

“Still a bummer you’ve got so much work to do. Don’t work too hard up there!” Claude added with a slight frown. Since Byleth breathed a fresh, slightly violent air into the Academy, the students undeniably fell in love – hard. So it was a crying shame the young professor was saddled with so much work that weekend.

In time, the students found their places by the house leaders. It was the Blue Lions that assembled themselves first, robed comfortably in warm Faerghus furs. Dedue towered behind the other Lions, Sylvain whispering strategies hurriedly to Felix, who may or may not – he was not – have been listening.

“Looking good, Claude,” Sylvain whispered as the Golden Deer assembled in a hilly bank several meters away. The Deer leader in question was unfortunately wrapped in what appeared to be a mass of bedsheets. As much as Claude wanted to say he was prepared for what could be hours in snow, he was… not.

“Thanks Sylvain, fashion is my passion,” Claude retorted in a single show of dignity before sneezing hard. The force almost toppled him back into Raphael, who despite his still tight clothing, looked relatively comfortable in a rugged coat. 

“Enough talk, brothers! Today, we fight!”

“Ahem!”

“Brothers and sisters of the snow!” Caspar called as he dashed into the field, flanked by the comparatively slower Eagles. “You’re having way too much fun with this, you know,” Linhardt sighed, adding in an even lower voice. “You’re lucky it’s you.” 

“I love how we’ve all been somehow goaded into your insane desire to pick fights with anything that moves,” Hubert commented, drowned out by Caspar’s continued yelling.

While it was perhaps only Byleth watching from a far tower, the fact that the students filed so neatly into groups definitely deserved some sort of extracurricular merit. The houses murmured among themselves, either wrangling potential deserters or quelling complainers. Either way, the strangely non-lethal lull continued to fill the field until they collectively realized not a single person had been brave enough to fire the first shot.

“Hey, Snow King!” Felix called across the hilly snow field. “How are we supposed to start this dumb thing? You guys going to stand there forever?”

“Come over here and say that to my–”

Caspar, in his excitement, moved too far forward to meet Felix’s challenge. In an effort to strike Felix with a too-heavy snowball, the small king lost his balance slightly and brought his defensive allies Ferdinand and Petra to the powdery ground. Fortunately, the shot was fired.

Just in the wrong direction. 

Hilda, bundled in a soft pink coat, ruffled herself and dusted the dirt-snow combination off her hair. “And _that,_ ” Claude smiled as he watched Hilda’s switch flip on, “is why I put you in the front.” 

If an explosion and an earthquake had a baby, its kin was definitely conceived that day in the field. It was actually hard to tell whether Hilda or somebody else took their second shot, as the accidental shot was followed up by about fifty more from all directions. It was certainly a cacophony of the most beautiful kind.

At one point, Edelgard attempted to lead the Eagles to the center of the field, designating her troops to strike unsurprisingly at the Blue Lions. Unfortunately for her, Dimitri did not lead as organized an attack as he had originally planned and the Lions found themselves in a last-minute decision to split paths. Similarly, the Golden Deer kept to their leader’s word of simply doing nothing and everything at the same time.

Hilda had somehow convinced Lorenz to carry on her on piggy-back, with Ignatz and Lysithea winning the tower prize as they sat comfortably on either of Raphael’s shoulders. “Let’s go, Raph!” Leonie yelled beside him.

“Fight for your honor!” Hilda cried as Lorenz tossed snowballs into the fray toward Ingrid and Ashe not far away.

From behind, Ferdinand and Petra rounded the Deer, with Ferdinand shooting a serious look at Lorenz, “We make history today!”

“Enough, Ferdie!” Dorothea yelled as she dashed by with a snowball to his temple.

“We’re on the same team!”

“Not if you don’t shut up!”

The chaos continued with added two-people towers roaming the banks, particularly an agitated Felix somehow latching onto Sylvain’s broad figure. “We are never speaking of this, you hear me!” Felix yelled as Sylvain ran wildly around the bank to dodge snowballs pelted at him. 

Sylvain rolled a large snowball and took aim at Petra, who was concentrating a bit too much on forming hers. The snowball burst at the side of her large braid, sending her falling backward into the snow. 

Dorothea rushed to her side, but slipped on ground beside her and fell on her back in the same way. In a slow show of defeat, the two girls slowly moved their limbs around in the snow, soon producing angel silhouettes. Slowly but surely, more mild mannered house members found themselves joining in the angel club, which was situated neatly beside Bernadetta’s tiny snow fort. Marianne laid herself carefully into the snow beside Mercedes and Annette with prayer of thanks as she formed her angel that she was not the only one wanting peace in the war.

“Where are you hiding…” Dimitri breathed as he looked for Edelgard in the snow. He back up slowly, accidentally backing into a smaller figure behind him. “Oh, I’m s–” 

“We don’t say sorry here,” Edelgard said darkly as she thrusted a fistful of snow into Dimitri’s face. Before she had the opportunity to revel in her small victory, she felt a large mound of snow burst squarely in her face. Edelgard whipped her head around to pummel her attacker two-fold.

“Lady Edelgard…” 

Edelgard stood beside Dimitri with wide eyes, most likely unsure how to register that her most trusted advisor had just delivered such a crippling blow. 

“My sincerest apologies, I honestly did not see you. I was aiming for–” Hubert managed before Edelgard launched a flurry of snow at him. The Black Eagle leader, to everyone’s surprise, broke into a run toward Hubert to continue her attack. All the while, miracles were made as Edelgard’s typically stoic demeanor broke from mildly interested in winning into what arguably appeared as joy.

“She looks good like that,” Claude said with a grin to Dimitri. The two leaders watched Edelgard’s single assault against Hubert and shook hands in silent agreement that, while Caspar did not offer firm guidelines as to what victory in the snowball fight looked like, it was clear Edelgard won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STARES INTO THE VOID. UHHHHH YEAH.... SO THIS HAPPENED ;;;;
> 
> Anyway, this one's for you, Clarkie. I really hope you have a wonderful holiday season and all the good graces moving into the new year!


End file.
